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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26245720">Mourning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest'>Storyteller_of_the_Forest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of a Battle, Brothers, Family is family, Feels, Gen, Grief, Healing, Kindness, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki is a Good Bro (Marvel), Mourning, New Asgard, No Slash, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Thor Needs a Hug (Marvel), Trauma, all the feels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:13:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,446</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26245720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_of_the_Forest/pseuds/Storyteller_of_the_Forest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Not all stories are happy. Sometimes one needs to remember the sadness to appreciate happiness.</p>
<p>When Thor has trouble sleeping one night, he asks his brother to tell him about a time they have not spoken of: what Loki did the first few days after the final battle.</p>
<p>(Part of my ongoing New Asgard series)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki &amp; Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mourning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello readers.</p>
<p>So last week was difficult for a number of reasons, as I'm sure everyone will agree.</p>
<p>I wrote this story because I was thinking about what Loki must have gone through when he left Thor's body after the final battle. I haven't written much about it and I was recently feeling a numbness. I've been feeling numb frequently lately (I miss when things were normal, when I was able to travel). I thought about how Loki would process feeling such a thing and I guess I needed to express the grief I felt through a character.</p>
<p>This fic takes place at some point after "The Frozen Forest" (it can be read as taking place in the present day, though I picture it happening shortly before "Labyrinth of Shadows")</p>
<p>Looking forward to your reactions. Thank you, dear readers, for leaving comments on these fics. They always make my day and I love responding to them :) &lt;3</p>
<p>REGULAR WARNINGS</p>
<p>Haven't seen Infinity War and am not going to see Infinity War (the Russos are terrible human beings. I don't want to hear about them or their god awful garbage).</p>
<p>I don't do romantic ships, especially not between family members. If you're into that kind of thing, go elsewhere (and don't tag my work with incest ships, please).</p>
<p>I'm still somewhat new to writing fics. So I apologize for any mistakes, mis-characterizations, formatting errors, or just any glaring errors. Please be gentle: writing fics is literally stress relief for me.</p>
<p>Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. I don't own anything, obviously all characters and recognizable aspects belong to Marvel.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy the story and thank you for reading :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>Loki awoke in the middle of the night to the sounds of his brother tossing and turning in his bed. The trickster nestled down more beneath the blankets in his bed, listening closely. He wasn’t sure if Thor was having a nightmare or just being annoying. His brother sometimes had trouble sleeping when he was fretting about something or other. Recently, Thor had been stressing out over matters of transportation in New Asgard. And he was always worrying that he wasn’t doing enough to protect the more vulnerable citizens, particularly in regard to mental health, still a relatively new concept to the Aesir.</p>
<p>Loki heard Thor sigh after a moment. The trickster pretended to be asleep.</p>
<p>“Loki? Are you awake?” Thor called softly across the room. Loki grunted in response, unwilling to answer further. He could hear his brother thrash around in his bed a little more.</p>
<p>“I cannot sleep,” Thor said. Loki kept his eyes closed. He heard Thor throw off the covers and quietly pad across the floor to his bed. The mattress sank as Thor sat down upon it and Loki soon felt his brother’s hand on his shoulder. The god of thunder shook him lightly. The trickster continued pretending to be asleep.</p>
<p>“I know you’re awake, brother. You likely would have stabbed me were you not.”</p>
<p>“Keep shaking me and maybe I will,” Loki grumbled in response. Thor was quiet for a few moments and Loki waited for him to flop down on the bed. He was already starting to drift off again.</p>
<p>“Loki?”</p>
<p>Loki groaned, keeping his eyes closed. “What?”</p>
<p>“I cannot sleep.”</p>
<p>“I heard you. What do you expect me to do about it?” Loki mumbled. He felt Thor swing his legs up and get under the covers. The trickster had gotten used to that. Even though Thor was managing his PTSD quite well, he still had the occasional nightmare. Loki’s bed was a safe space, one the god of thunder occasionally sought out.</p>
<p>He was good about not disturbing Loki’s rest, at least not purposely. Loki was an incredibly light sleeper and would often awaken at the smallest sound. He always woke up when Thor climbed into his bed, though he never let Thor know that. The trickster was usually asleep again by the time Thor got comfortable anyway.</p>
<p>“Can we speak for a while?” Thor whispered.</p>
<p>“No,” Loki replied.</p>
<p>“Oh come now. You love spinning stories.”</p>
<p>“Once upon a time, there was an annoying god of thunder who insisted on pestering his heroic brother when he was trying to sleep. So his brother turned him into a frog, put him outside under a box, and then had a good night’s sleep. The end.”</p>
<p>“That was not one of your better tales, Loki,” Thor quipped.</p>
<p>“Allow me to sleep and I shall think of a better one in the morning,” Loki replied dryly. Thor was quiet for a while, though he continued to toss and turn. It was making it impossible for Loki to sleep.</p>
<p>“Loki?”</p>
<p>“Gods,” Loki grumbled into his pillow. “What?”</p>
<p>“Have you ever had difficulty sleeping?”</p>
<p>“Aside from when my brother insists on keeping me up all hours of the night asking me absurd questions?” Loki replied. “Norns, Thor, just count goats or something.”</p>
<p>Thor was quiet for a while. Loki was just starting to drift off when Thor started poking his shoulder. This was getting annoying and Loki was dangerously close to manifesting a dagger. He wanted to sleep.</p>
<p>“Loki? Loki, listen,” Thor whispered, eagerness in his voice.</p>
<p>“What?” Loki groaned tiredly.</p>
<p>“It’s going to storm.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Thor, sometimes it storms.”</p>
<p>Loki pulled the blankets tighter about him. A sudden bang of thunder shook the entire small house, causing Loki to sit straight up in bed, his eyes wide. He glared over at his brother when Thor started laughing.</p>
<p>“That was me,” Thor told Loki, calling upon another powerful rumble of thunder and bolt of lightning. “Classic.”</p>
<p>Loki shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “Brother, sometimes you are unbelievably annoying.”</p>
<p>Thor continued snickering as Loki laid back down, crossing his arms over his chest. Another loud rumble of thunder shook the house and lightning illuminated the dark room. Loki’s eyes snapped open again and he gritted his teeth.</p>
<p>“Since you are already awake,” Thor said. Loki could hear the infuriating grin in his voice. Knowing his brother wasn’t going to let him sleep, Loki sighed and sat up. Thor was already sitting up, smiling though Loki couldn’t help but notice he also looked tired.</p>
<p>“I imagine this is revenge for all the times I kept you up with illusions,” Loki mentioned as he leaned back against the headboard. Thor tilted his head from side to side a bit.</p>
<p>“Well, I was not thinking of that, but I suppose it can be,” he replied. Loki nodded and leaned back.</p>
<p>“Very well,” Loki yawned. “Is there something in particular you wish to speak of? Keeping in mind that I refuse to discuss matters relating to the running of New Asgard in the middle of the night.”</p>
<p>A thoughtful look crossed Thor’s face as he considered the question. He looked down at his interlaced fingers. <em>Oh gods, </em>Loki thought, mentally sighing. He had a feeling what Thor was going to ask of him. It was one of the few matters they hadn’t discussed at length, mostly because Loki had no interest in revisiting it. Thor, however, had an apparent fixation.</p>
<p>“We have spoken about what you remember from your time with Thanos and a little about the incident in New York, as well as what led up to it,” Thor began carefully. “Yet we haven’t spoken about what happened in the days after that last battle. I have asked Brunnhilde about it, but she would not betray your confidence.”</p>
<p>“There is little to betray. I did not speak much the first few days,” Loki replied. He buried the discomfort he was feeling. Those hours after he left Thor’s body were a period of time he hadn’t thought of in quite a while. He had successfully buried the memory deep and had hoped to never revisit it. It was even more difficult for him to remember than his memories of his being in Thanos’ thrall. When he had been with Thanos, there had always been a chance he would escape. Even though that whole experience went horribly wrong multiple times, Loki had at least been able to do something. To keep scheming.</p>
<p>After that final battle, when Thanos finally fell, Loki had just been broken. He had been lost and felt helpless. There had been nothing he could do, no place to hide from the grief he was experiencing.</p>
<p>“I know the memory is painful, but if you are able, I would hear of it,” Thor said gently. Loki frowned, still feeling half-awake, and looked over at his brother.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Thor shrugged. “Because I wish to know how you managed grief. And it is a story you have not yet told.”</p>
<p>“It is not a happy story,” Loki warned.</p>
<p>“Not all stories are, but you and I both know this particular tale got more pleasant,” Thor said. Loki smiled faintly, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced up when he heard a soft rumble of thunder. The storm wasn’t letting up.</p>
<p>“And if I do not wish to tell it?” Loki asked.</p>
<p>“Your stories are your own. You’re under no obligation to tell them if you do not wish. I believe it would be helpful, but the decision is entirely yours,” Thor told him. Loki raised an eyebrow when he noticed Thor flexing the fingers of his right hand.</p>
<p>“Is your arm bothering you?”</p>
<p>Thor shook his head. “Tis nothing. Just an ache.”</p>
<p>Loki sighed and reached over, gently resting his fingers on Thor’s arm. He was really much too tired to banter and it was unlikely Thor was going to fall asleep. Perhaps speaking of that time would take some of the lingering sting out of the memory.</p>
<p>“Very well,” the trickster agreed around a yawn. “I shall tell you of those first few days. But do not say I did not warn you.”</p>
<p>Thor relaxed under his ministrations, watching Loki and waiting patiently. When he was sure he had lessened his brother’s discomfort, the dark-haired god sat back. He allowed his mind to wander back to the time when he thought he had lost everything.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Loki left the makeshift hospital in a daze. He was dimly aware of Brunnhilde walking alongside him, holding his arm, supporting him. There was a Dora on his other side too, but Loki didn’t know her name. It had been said a couple times, but all he could hear was a dull hum. He was also aware of the strange furry creature walking beside them. Loki had no idea what his name was either, if he had one. The trickster was lucky he could remember his own name.</p>
<p>It was taking everything in him to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Everything was painful, agonizing. Every breath, every step, felt like a knife being driven into his chest.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thor? Have you been here the whole time?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You were ill,” Thor said, a little sheepishly. “You’re my brother. It’s my duty to protect you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki rolled his eyes and curled up under the covers again. He still felt miserable and ill. And so tired. He was awake enough to resent his brother for making him feel like a burden though. The god of thunder was annoying that way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you wish for me to leave?” Thor asked. Loki shrugged and closed his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“As long as you promise not to sing again, you may stay,” Loki said around a yawn. Thor was quiet for a moment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Would you like me to read to you, brother?” Thor asked softly. Loki frowned and opened his eyes again, surprised. His brother was not fond of quieter activities. The rare times Loki had gotten ill, Thor never made an appearance. At least not when Loki was awake. Frigga mentioned Thor would inquire after him and Thor would always make an appearance once Loki was on the mend. Usually just before Loki was ready to be out of bed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He had never kept a vigil over Loki before. Then again, Loki had rarely been so ill. There had never been an attempt made on his life. At least not that the Odinsons were aware of.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His brother was scared.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki sighed and rubbed his eyes, knowing the fool would not stop until he figured out some way to be useful. Reaching over to the bedside table, Loki lifted a book of ancient Aesir legends, something he had been reading before this whole unpleasantness. Handing it to Thor, he watched his brother’s face light up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I bookmarked where I left off,” Loki told him, closing his eyes. “Don’t expect me to stay awake.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He fell asleep to his brother’s warm voice reading a story Loki had last heard when he was a child. It was…oddly comforting.</em>
</p>
<p>This was not right. Loki should be at Thor’s bedside while his brother rested, while he healed. He should be reading to the god of thunder as Thor had done for him so many years ago. The trickster should be annoyed at his brother’s strange Midgardian friends constantly visiting him and even more annoyed at Thor for encouraging them.</p>
<p>The wound hadn’t been that bad. Thor had survived worse. How had a mere blade…?</p>
<p>
  <em>Why did he give up? Everyone had been restored. I returned, I returned to his side. Like I always do. He no longer had to mourn. Why did he die? Why did Thor give up?</em>
</p>
<p>This was all wrong.</p>
<p>When they reached a hover vehicle, Brunnhilde said something to him and Loki raised his green eyes to her, still unable to speak. She sighed and rubbed his arm, helping him up in the vehicle.</p>
<p>Loki didn’t look back to the hospital, where his brother’s body still lay. He could not bear to see it. Leaving Thor, it felt wrong. It felt so wrong. All of this was wrong.</p>
<p>He had survived the war, therefore Thor should have also. As much as Loki hated to admit it, Thor was the better warrior. He was the stronger fighter, the one with more battle experience. He knew how to survive.</p>
<p>And Loki always had a plan. This time, he’d done everything right. Even when things had gone sideways, Loki figured out a way to work things to his advantage, as he always had.</p>
<p>He must have missed something. He <em>must</em> have. But what? What had he done wrong? He had to have made some mistake. What was it?</p>
<p>The trickster stared blankly at his feet. Brunnhilde gently held his hand, speaking to him. Loki didn’t hear a word she said. He was alternating between feeling completely numb and overwhelmed with pain. His mind was racing as he continued trying to figure out his error.</p>
<p>Eventually, the vehicle came to a halt and Brunnhilde helped Loki to his feet, leading him out of the vehicle. He stared at the ground, waiting for someone to tell him where to go next. He couldn’t do anything at the moment. It was taking all his strength and will to remain on his feet. A wind swept through the grasses and Loki furrowed his brow as one question continued repeating in his mind: <em>What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Ah, here’s where you have hidden yourself.”</em>
</p>
<p>Loki looked up and found himself in Asgard, many years in the past. Back when he and his brother were on the cusp of manhood.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I am not hiding,” Loki grumbled petulantly from where he lay on the lounge. He didn’t even bother looking up from his book. “What do you want?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The Warriors Three and I are going on a quest,” Thor answered. “You must accompany us.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No,” Loki replied.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why not?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because you are an arrogant bore and I no longer find your excursions entertaining,” Loki replied with cruel casualness as he turned a page in his book.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What has you in such a wretched mood?” Thor asked, a hint of anger in his voice. Loki glanced up from his book for a moment before turning his eyes back to the small print. He had grown weary of his brother and the way people doted on him. It had turned Thor into an arrogant child who was likely to bring ruin to their home. Denying Thor almost always resulted in a destructive temper tantrum. It was embarrassing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hey!” Loki snapped when Thor snatched his book from his hands. To his shock, Thor didn’t toss it aside, but rather opened it and flipped through the pages.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are you reading?” Thor asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nothing you would be interested in,” Loki replied, reaching for the book. Thor held it out of his grasp.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How would you know?” Thor stated, frowning. “This is a history text.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You can read. Color me shocked,” Loki said, lunging for the book again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you’re after glory, Loki, you won’t—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And that is exactly why I do not want to go on anymore quests with you,” Loki snapped, finally grabbing the book and yanking it from Thor. “You make assumptions and do not bother to investigate whether or not they’re correct. That is a poor quality in anyone, much less someone who hopes to be king some day.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor’s nostrils flared. “Then I suppose it is good I shall always have you around to point out my faults.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, you most certainly will not. I am leaving Asgard once I successfully complete my lessons with Mother and have mastery of my magic,” Loki replied. He turned and stormed from the room, striding angrily down the hall. At least he would have a few days of peace and quiet when his brother went on his quest.</em>
</p>
<p>“Hey, Loki?”</p>
<p>The feeling of a small hand tugging gently on his trousers brought Loki back to the present. <em>No, don’t go,</em> he thought briefly as he looked around for Thor. Alas, the god of thunder was not there. He existed only in memory now.</p>
<p>Looking down, Loki noticed the strange creature standing beside him.</p>
<p>“My name’s Rocket. I knew your brother,” the creature said. “Your digs are this way. Brunnhilde is going to be a minute.”</p>
<p><em>Is she leaving too?</em> Loki thought, his head jerking up and his eyes wide. He calmed down when he saw Brunnhilde speaking with the Dora who had brought them out to this place. Looking down at the ground, he allowed Rocket to lead him to where he would.</p>
<p>“Thor was a friend,” Rocket said. “I don’t have many of those, but your brother was a good man. He cared about you a lot, talked about you constantly. Did you know he took on the power of a star to reignite the forges so Stormbreaker could be made?”</p>
<p>Loki stopped and stared at Rocket, who paused and looked up at him.</p>
<p>“Nearly killed him, reduced him to a smoking husk, but he was so determined to avenge you. I’ve never seen anything like it.”</p>
<p>Loki’s eyes started watering again. That had been a stupid, stupid foolish thing his brother had done. He could have died. Gods knew how much damage he inflicted upon himself. Had he fully recovered by the time that last battle had been waged? <em>Dammit, Thor, the next time I see you, I’ll…</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I won’t see him again. Thor fell in battle.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He took on the power of a star. It must have weakened him, left him vulnerable. I did not account for that. I didn’t make a mistake, Thor did. Yes, that must have been it. He took on the power of the star and sacrificed some of his strength…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because he was determined to avenge me.</em>
</p>
<p>The trickster dropped his head again, a tremor going through his hand. He could feel cracks starting to spread throughout his façade. Faster and faster, more and more. He needed to get out of the open. Loki refused to let anyone see his grief. Nobody was allowed to see him break.</p>
<p>“I’m,” Loki paused and cleared his throat when his voice wobbled. “I’m very tired.”</p>
<p>It was all he could manage. Thankfully, Rocket didn’t push the subject.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, they have a hut all made up for you. It’s just a few more steps, right over here,” Rocket replied. Loki slowly followed behind him.</p>
<p>They only walked a few minutes before coming upon the hut. The creature pushed open the door and Loki stepped inside. He could hear Rocket speaking again, but the hum in his head grew louder, blocking out all other sounds.</p>
<p>
  <em>Thanos’s cruel grin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor’s muffled screams, his desperation to save his brother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor’s broken body, lying in that grove, like a discarded toy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Left all alone, to die in pain.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I didn’t do it for them.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The feeling of hot blood spilling over the trickster’s hands. His strong brother trembling in pain, gasping for breath.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Loki, it hurts.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor struggling to breathe, looking up at Loki. There was such fear in his eye, such pain, and he looked to the dark-haired god. “Help me, brother,” his gaze had said. “I’m afraid. Please help me. Please. I do not want to die.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Loki, it hurts.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Loki tried, oh how he tried. He had given everything he had left and more. He would have traded places with the fallen god of thunder in a heartbeat had he the ability. Oh how he had tried to alleviate Thor’s pain, to keep him on this side of the living. Loki tried harder than he ever had in his life.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He tried…but he had failed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It hurts.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor was dead. He was dead. He was never coming back. Loki would never see him again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>First Frigga. Then Odin. Now Thor.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki was alone.</em>
</p>
<p>Loki fell to his knees and screamed. He screamed and screamed. It was a howl, a wail of loss and pain and rage and grief. Loki could not stop. His fingers curled into claws and he clenched his eyes shut as he continued to scream.</p>
<p>This could not be real. Thor didn’t lose. He couldn’t die. The fool couldn’t die. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Loki wanted to wake up. He needed to wake up. This wasn’t real.</p>
<p>He heard the door to the hut open, but he continued screaming. It hurt. It hurt so much.</p>
<p>Brunnhilde’s strong arms wrapped around him and he heard her voice, felt her hand stroke his hair as she gently rocked him. He tore at his hair, tears streaming down his face as he kept screaming.</p>
<p>Perhaps…perhaps Thor would hear his cries and return. Perhaps he would awaken from where he lay, in that room, on that stretcher in the makeshift hospital. Yes, at any moment, someone would come running to let Loki know that his brother had awoken and was calling for him. Loki would return to his side and Thor would wrap his arms around him, reassuring him that all was well.</p>
<p>That he wasn’t dead. That he would never leave Loki.</p>
<p>Yet no one came. No one but the two in the hut heard Loki’s cries of distress, of grief, of pain.</p>
<p>At some point, Loki could no longer scream. The numbness settled in him again and Loki closed his eyes, dropping his head, weeping in the Valkyrie’s arms. Eventually, when his tears stopped, Brunnhilde helped him over to the cot, which he laid down upon. Loki was asleep before his head hit the pillow.</p>
<p>_*_</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki threw open the door to his room and slammed it behind him, storming over to his desk and opening the book again. He was so sick of his brother. He hated him. Thor was annoying and arrogant and childish. He always had to get his way and Loki was done with it. He was done with Asgard.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He rolled his eyes when he heard his door open. “Have you absolutely no respect for anyone’s space?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You cannot leave,” Thor growled. Loki spun around in his chair, narrowing his eyes at the god of thunder.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can do whatever I like. Why do you even care? You have more than enough companions to—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They’re not my brother!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki shook his head and turned back to his book. “A meaningless concept if ever there were one. You can easily find someone to replace me.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The trickster was stunned when his brother grabbed him tightly by the shoulders, spinning him around and forcing him to meet his eyes. Loki was even more taken off guard when he saw tears welling up in Thor’s eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t,” Thor said softly, hurt and anger in his voice. “Don’t you ever say that or think that. Use cutting words however you like, Loki, but don’t you dare imply that I could ever see you as replaceable.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something about Thor’s words, the unyielding firmness of his tone, surprised Loki. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts and still he found he could not speak. So, he simply nodded. Thor let go of him and took a few steps back, swiping at his eyes. He cleared his throat, regaining his composure. Loki swallowed and turned back to his book.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please do not go.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki furrowed his brow and looked over at Thor. It was exceedingly rare to hear Thor request, rather than demand, something.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you are unhappy, Loki, please confide in me. I shall help remedy whatever is making you unhappy, but I cannot help if I do not know what the problem is,” Thor continued. Loki massaged his brow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And if it’s a problem you cannot remedy?” Loki replied. “Perhaps I just do not belong here. Perhaps I do not feel at home here.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor was quiet for a time, confused. “But this is our home. We were born within the walls of this palace. How can you say such things?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki shrugged. “It’s not something I can really put into words. I do not expect you to understand.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor glanced at him, a hurt expression crossing his face. Loki sat back, crossing his arms over his chest as he studied his brother.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why are you so adamant about my staying here?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor put his hands on his hips, shifting his weight. “Because you are honest.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki burst out laughing at the declaration. Thor half-smiled at his brother’s mirth.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“With me,” he clarified. “You have never hesitated to tell me when I’m being arrogant or foolish. You practically delight at pointing out my flaws.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There are a great many,” Loki said with a smirk.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I cannot be a good leader if I surround myself with advisors who are unwilling to be honest and forthright with me and will merely agree with whatever I say. If I end up taking the throne, I am going to need someone who isn’t afraid to be critical of me and my decisions,” Thor continued. “If I am named Father’s heir, you will be able to make me a better king, perhaps even better than Father.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki shook his head. “So certain of your future, aren’t you?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor scoffed. “I wish.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He went quiet for a moment, looking back to Loki. “Will you at least consider remaining in Asgard?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki thought about it for a moment. He certainly didn’t have to make a decision right away. Considering the prospect was worthwhile and he could always turn it down. Looking back to his brother, he nodded.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Very well, I shall consider it,” he agreed. Thor beamed, that large warm smile so unique to him. Loki shook his head and turned back to his book.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why are you studying history texts?” Thor asked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I noticed some discrepancies in the dates of various battles, something I first noticed in our history lessons years ago,” Loki replied. “The record keepers refuse to answer my questions and continue telling me I’m mistaken, which is highly unlikely. So, I have to do my own research.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You can never let things go,” Thor stated fondly. He moved over to a small messy pile of books Loki had placed on the floor, lifting the top one and reading the cover. Moving over to the bed, Thor sat upon it and opened the book. Loki glanced over his shoulder.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you not going off on a quest?” he asked. Thor shrugged.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can go on a quest any time. I would much rather untangle this mystery you’ve found,” he replied. Loki looked back to his own book, hiding the small smile that danced across his lips.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>“Hey, Loki?”</p>
<p>Loki’s eyes fluttered open and were greeted with the sight of a plain thatched roof. The warm light from various lanterns illuminated the space. The trickster swallowed and turned his head, noticing Bruce was standing there, holding a bag that Loki had on the ship he had…borrowed to get to Midgard. There were tear streaks on the Midgardian’s face, though he was doing an admirable job holding it together.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, but I thought…I thought you might,” Bruce paused and cleared his throat. “I figured you’d want to change so I brought you some clothes, from your ship. I also need to change your bandages.”</p>
<p>Loki looked down at his clothes and immediately sat up, horrified. He was still covered in his brother’s blood. Thor’s blood. Oh gods! It was all over his hands too.</p>
<p>Feeling the smooth strap of his bag on his palm, Loki immediately brought it to him and yanked the zipper open.</p>
<p>“I’ll just be outside. I need to grab some stuff,” Bruce told him. Loki ignored him, only concerned with taking off his blood-soaked clothing. The smell of it was starting to make him ill.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Loki, it hurts.”</em>
</p>
<p>Loki clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He calmly took off his still bloodied clothing, tossing it aside. Numbness was starting to spread over him again and the world felt so gray. Time became hazy and everything sounded far away. Loki noticed some thin bandaging on his upper arm and felt some aches and pains. He vaguely remembered receiving minor wounds during the fight. Loki probably would have healed already had he not overextended his seidr in his futile attempt to save his brother.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s okay. It will be okay.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Even at the end, even as he was suffering and dying, Thor’s first thought was his brother. Despite the pain he was in, Thor did his best to comfort Loki, to take care of him. As he had always done throughout their lives.</em>
</p>
<p>Loki cleared his throat as he tried to banish the memories from his mind, changing into the clean clothing. Once he had, the trickster found himself staring at his hands. They were normally steady, but he noticed they shook slightly. Everything started to become hazy again.</p>
<p>
  <em>After Thor had succumbed to his wounds, Loki had wept over his body for a short while, pleading for him to hold on, to come back, clinging to him with whatever little strength he had left. Then, an inexplicable calm came over the grieving trickster. The wind softly rustled through the leaves. The light shifted as the foliage moved in the wind. It was a strangely beautiful day.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki swallowed and lifted his head, looking to his brother’s face. Thor had fought so hard, right up until his last breath. Norns, the turmoil he must have felt, to see the people of this planet suffer so. To witness Thanos’ cruelty again and again. How many friends had Thor seen dissolve into ash? How many had he seen die?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thor?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The god of thunder did not respond. His head was still resting against Loki’s chest and it almost looked like he was sleeping. Or it would have had it not been for all the blood. Loki smiled shakily, feeling more tears stream down his face. He gently stroked his brother’s hair.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thor, you were victorious. You undid the gauntlet’s evil. Everyone was restored,” Loki whispered to his fallen brother, his voice shaking slightly. “The Midgardians and everyone else in the galaxy. You saved them, brother. They are okay. Everyone is okay. Just like you hoped for, just like you fought for.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki sniffled, his breath stuttering as sobs threatened to overcome him again. Thor had to know. He had to know that all he had fought for had come to pass.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You won. You and your odd shieldbrothers won,” he said softly. “You did the impossible. This world is safe once again, thanks to you. All your friends are alive and safe. Everything is okay, brother.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thor did not respond. His strong heart had long since ceased to beat. Loki lowered his brow back to his brother’s, weeping anew as he gently rocked Thor’s broken lifeless body.</em>
</p>
<p>“This is healing really nicely.”</p>
<p>Loki blinked a few times, returning to the present. He had finished changing his clothing at some point and was now kneeling on the floor. Bruce was tending to him. At any other time, Loki might have wondered at that (perhaps even been a little nervous). However, he was too devastated to do anything other than stare ahead blankly.</p>
<p>“I, uh, I don’t know if you remembered my wrapping these when they brought Thor,” Bruce paused and sniffled, clearing his throat. “When you were in the hospital last night. You were pretty out of it, understandably.”</p>
<p>Bruce paused and studied his face for a moment. “Kind of like now.”</p>
<p>Loki didn’t look at him and didn’t respond. He just wanted to go back to sleep. At least in sleep, there was a chance he would find his brother still alive. Alive and whole.</p>
<p>“Luckily, you just got some minor wounds,” Bruce continued on conversationally. Loki felt the man hiding the monster gently lift his shirt, examining a wound on his back. A lucky chitauri blade had grazed him during a close skirmish. Loki had driven a blade through the monster’s skull. Bruce removed the old bandage and affixed a clean one.</p>
<p>“Based on what the big guy told me, most of your wounds will be all healed by the end of the week. I’m going to change the bandages daily, just to make sure they continue healing and don’t become infected,” Bruce said as he lowered Loki’s shirt. He shifted around so that he was sitting in front of Loki.</p>
<p>The sound of water brought Loki’s attention to the side. He watched as Banner dipped a towel into a bucket of water. He wrung it out and gently took one of Loki’s hands, running the wet towel over it and cleaning away the caked-on blood.</p>
<p>“Thor was…he was really proud of you, Loki,” Bruce said gently. “Your brother really loved you. He and I both told the others about what happened with the incident in New York, how you weren’t entirely in your right mind. Then we told them about Ragnarok and how you helped defeat Hela, how you saved Thor and I when Thanos first attacked us.”</p>
<p>
  <em>He would never forget the look of relief, joy, and pure unadulterated happiness that spread across the god of thunder’s face when he caught the stopper. It wasn’t one of those smiles that lit up a room. It was a more subtle expression, but one with just as much warmth and love.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m here,” Loki reassured him. Thor immediately put his glass down, crossed the room, and wrapped his arms around his brother. Normally, Loki abhorred such open affection. After all they had been through, Loki allowed it. He wrapped his arms around his brother and grinned, relieved that he had found welcome. Thor gently cradled the back of his head and kissed his temple. His brother did enjoy carrying on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I feared…I worried that you might not have had time to get clear,” Thor admitted. “When Asgard exploded. I feared I had sent you to your death.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki shrugged. “It was close. The ship was certainly a little singed, but I managed all right.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re here, Loki,” Thor whispered happily. “I was not expecting this, but I am glad for it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki smirked and buried his face in his brother’s shoulder. He had become rather fond of the oaf, much as he hated to admit it. If nothing else, tormenting his brother was a fun way to pass the time. Lifting his face, Loki looked out to the expanse of space and felt a sudden chill. He hugged his brother a little tighter, wondering if he should tell him of the danger that lurked out there.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, Thanos has no interest in us. If I tell my fool of a brother about him, Thor will run headfirst into danger. I must keep him in the dark to protect him,” Loki thought as he turned his head from the window. He put all thoughts of the mad titan out of his mind.</em>
</p>
<p>Cracks started racing through Loki’s façade again. He flexed his fingers, trying to swallow the emotions that were starting to bubble up. He kept his eyes on the ground.</p>
<p>“Thor regaled us all with tales of your adventures together, when the two of you were younger. He, um…he really missed you,” Banner continued on, focusing on cleaning the blood off Loki’s hands. “I’m…I’m glad you were there with him, in the end. I know that eased Thor’s passing.”</p>
<p>“I should have stayed with him,” Loki muttered, almost to himself.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Loki sniffled, feeling his lower lip quiver. Warmth invaded his eyes and he felt a tear crawl down his cheek.</p>
<p>“I should have stayed with Thor, on board the ship. I shouldn’t have faked my death again, not in front of him,” Loki said, his voice shaking a little. He still felt so numb and was barely aware of Bruce.</p>
<p>“Hey, Loki, you came back. That’s what matters,” Bruce tried to reassure him. “You came back to help your brother. You helped us defeat Thanos.”</p>
<p>“I should have stayed with Thor. If I had stayed, I would have been able to watch his back, to help him. Thor wouldn’t have been distracted during that last battle if I would have fought beside him. He…he would still be here,” Loki said dully. He felt odd, as if he were in a daze. Yet he was uninjured.</p>
<p>“Loki, don’t,” Bruce pleaded. “Please don’t. Thor wouldn’t want you to torture yourself.”</p>
<p>Loki was quiet for a few moments as Bruce continued cleaning the blood from his hands. Loki watched as the red faded more and more. Thor and he hadn’t shared blood, yet they had been brothers all the same. He remembered sharing smiles with his brother when they were very young boys, how they had chased each other down the grand hallways of the palace. All the adventures they had gone on together. Always together. Why had he turned his back on all that?</p>
<p>“I should have stayed with him,” Loki whispered.</p>
<p>_*_</p>
<p>The next night, Loki woke up when he felt eyes on him. He frowned as he kept his eyes on the warmly lit ceiling. For a moment, he debated turning over and going back to sleep. The dark-haired god wasn’t sure he had the strength to even care about who or what was watching him. Swallowing, he slowly turned his head to the side.</p>
<p>The first thing he saw was the strange furry creature that had been with him since they brought Thor’s body to the makeshift hospital. Rocket, that was his name. He was sitting across from the cot, a cloth sack at his feet. Looking around, Loki saw Brunnhilde sitting against the cot near his feet. Her head was down, and she was obviously asleep. She had spent all day taking care of him, making sure he ate and drank a little, making sure he was comfortable, speaking to him. Loki wasn’t quite sure why, but he was too worn out to ponder it further.</p>
<p>“I, uh, I brought you some stuff,” Rocket said, drawing Loki’s attention back to him. He seemed rather uncomfortable as he ran a paw over his head. “Your brother set up a small shrine in his room when we stayed here, used it to pray for you. I figured it was part of your culture’s customs. I know things like that are important to people.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Damn. He hadn’t prayed for Thor yet. He needed to pray for Thor, to insure he was allowed passage into Valhalla.</em>
</p>
<p>“I talked to the goody two-shoes with the shield,” Rocket continued. “He helped Groot and me gather some things. If you wanted to set up something like that.”</p>
<p>Loki felt weighed down and questioned whether he could rise. He was so tired. He missed his brother so much it hurt. Part of him just wanted to lay there and never get up again.</p>
<p>But Thor needed a family member to pray for him. There was no one left but Loki.</p>
<p>The trickster swallowed and slowly pushed himself up. His legs felt shaky, but Loki gritted his teeth. He was going to do this. Thor had done it for him, so Loki could do it for his fallen brother. Rising unsteadily, Loki walked over to the peculiar creature and knelt down, opening the sack and looking through the contents.</p>
<p>“Oh, uh, the princess of this place also sent this along,” Rocket told him, holding out a strange thin black device. “Said you just gotta press that button there.”</p>
<p>Loki took it from him, furrowing his brow as he looked at it. Tucking it in his pocket, Loki turned his attention back to the contents of the sack, which was a bunch of candles and some blossoms. Yes, this would do.</p>
<p>Looking to the side, Loki noticed a small table that he hadn’t noticed when he’d first entered this place, but it was perfect for a small memorial shrine. Pulling out the candles, Loki carefully set them up. He made sure they were properly spaced.</p>
<p>“If you want to light them—”</p>
<p>Loki snapped his fingers, conjuring up a flame on his thumb, which he put to the wick.</p>
<p>“I mean, you could also do that,” he heard Rocket say behind him. Something was missing from the shrine. Or rather, Thor deserved more. After all he’d sacrificed to achieve such a victory, he deserved more.</p>
<p>His brother deserved more than a few candles and flowers.</p>
<p>Frowning, Loki reached into his pocket and pulled out the device, wondering about what it could be. Perhaps it was some kind of lighting device. Loki placed it on the smooth surface of the table and pressed the button on the side.</p>
<p>A cone of light appeared in the center, projecting a flickering image above it. The image slowly came into focus and Loki’s breath caught in his chest.</p>
<p>“Whoa,” Rocket whispered in awe. Tears welled up in Loki’s eyes as he stared at his brother’s face in front of him. A small sad smile was dancing across Thor’s lips and his eye stared straight ahead, right through Loki.</p>
<p>“Thor?” the trickster whispered. The image did not respond and Loki hesitantly reached forward, gently running his fingers down his brother’s temple. The image flickered slightly, but remained. Smiling sadly, Loki kept his hand there.</p>
<p>“Thor,” he said softly</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Loki cleared his throat and played with his fingers. That tale brought a familiar ache back to his heart. Letting out a soft, slightly breathless chuckle, the trickster shook his head.</p>
<p>“Apparently, my ability to pray needs some work. Seeing as how you still found your way back here,” he teased. Thor was silent. Loki looked over to him, puzzled when he saw tear tracks down his face.</p>
<p>“Thor, are you all right?” Loki asked. Thor nodded, sniffling and swiping away his tears. Loki raised an eyebrow, wondering what on Earth was the matter. Thor looked over to him and laughed shakily, scrubbing away more tears.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. The thought of you going through that, it hurts my heart,” Thor explained. “And I’m rather moved that despite your distress, you still prayed for me.”</p>
<p>“Well, what else was there to do, Thor?” Loki pointed out. Thor smiled faintly at him.</p>
<p>“I won’t make you say it.”</p>
<p>“Say what?”</p>
<p>“That you care about me.”</p>
<p>Loki rolled his eyes. “Dear gods, must you always be sentimental?”</p>
<p>“I love you too, brother.”</p>
<p>“Can we go to sleep now? Are you satisfied with that tale?”</p>
<p>Thor nodded. “I am.”</p>
<p>“So you will sleep?”</p>
<p>Thor shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m not tired, brother.”</p>
<p>Loki groaned and ran his hands over his face. “You said if I told you about that time, you would go to sleep.”</p>
<p>“I will not disturb your rest, Loki. There are just a number of matters on my mind and it makes it difficult to sleep. Please, go back to sleep.”</p>
<p>Loki sighed and reached over to the nightstand, where he kept a stack of books. “If I read to you, would that help quiet your mind?”</p>
<p>Upon Thor’s puzzled look, Loki opened the large book, flipping through a couple pages. “Back when we were still fumbling in the dark with your PTSD symptoms, I used to read to you after you would have a nightmare or a panic episode late at night. It didn’t always work—”</p>
<p>“But often it did,” Thor finished his thought, smiling warmly at his brother. “I remember, Loki.”</p>
<p>Loki held up the book he had grabbed, and Thor looked at the cover. “Will this suffice?”</p>
<p>Thor nodded, a smile still dancing over his lips. He laid his head on the pillow and looked up at his brother as Loki started reading the book. Loki pretended not to notice as he focused on the mundane tale he was reading.</p>
<p>It only took a few moments for Thor to fall asleep. Loki paused his reading and glanced over at his brother, who was now fast asleep. Closing the book, he placed it off to the side. Then he pulled up the covers on Thor. Hesitantly, Loki reached out and placed his hand on Thor’s chest, smiling faintly when he felt the strong steady beat of his brother’s heart.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Thor,” Loki whispered. “Sleep well.”</p>
<p>He laid down and closed his eyes, a content smile dancing over his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>The End</em>
  </strong>
</p>
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